OK... So you're all probably wondering, "Jen, online dating sounds like the WORST... Why do you even do it? You're a fox, and you have this totally awesome personality and rockin' dance moves."
I know! I am a TOTAL FOX! And trust me, I'd much rather meet the man of my dreams in "real life," perhaps at the screening of an indie film or while waiting for the T. I'd even stoop so low as to meet Mr. Right in one of Boston's many bars.
However, my life is not a RomCom.
I show up 2 minutes before movies start, so I'm always running from the ticket booth to the food stand into the theatre in such a fury that fellas only see a blur of awesome. They wonder, "I feel as if I was just in the presence of an angel," but I'm already gone, noshing on my popcorn and m&ms mixture inside the theatre.
As for the T, I am your stereotypical 20-something, with my ipod in or my phone out. Even when I am unplugged, I don't seem to sit next to any winners on the T. Seriously, how have so many men (and women for that matter) missed the "you must wear deodorant" life lesson? It seems rather obvious.
And finally... that brings us to the bar scene, which can be summed up most elegantly by Garth. (Yes that's his real name... I wish it was a pseudonym, but its not.) I met Garth at your stereotypical Boston bar. It was a situation of mutual friends, and we got to chatting.
He was cute enough, but oh, dear lord, was it awkward!! Despite being fairly tipsy, I was coherent and chatty. But with Garth, I hit a brick wall. There seemed to be nothing to talk about, but he also made it clear that he didn't want me to leave. Apparently, I asked him twice where he lived. It felt like a bad blind date.
However, occasionally he would add something to the conversation, including stating that his mom went to prom with Jon Bon Jovi... Well sir, now you've got me interested. JBJ seemed totally awesome after a few cocktails. I went home solo (despite his protests), but we exchanged numbers. I just figured that I had been the awkward one since I was drunk.
I woke up Sunday and bragged to all my friends about meeting a boy's whose mom "knew and nearly married JBJ... I mean he may be JBJ's kid. They kind of look alike if you squint while drinking tequila." They were all very kind and pretended to be jealous.
Fast forward to Wednesday of the next week. I hadn't heard from the spawn of JBJ, so I decided to be "cute" and text him:
J: "I saw your mom's prom date on TV... So awesome. Hope you're having a good week."
G: "How did my mom's prom date come up in conversation? Thanks, hope your week is going well."
J: "I'm not really sure how we got on that topic... Maybe you were trying to impress me bc I'm SO awesome?! Or a JBJ song may have been playing..." (Yea... I'm embarrassing when I text dudes.)
G: "Oh wow, he went to my high school but definitely didn't take my mom to prom. Not sure why I said that. Too many drinks that night."
... UMMMM... SERIOUSLY?! Who lies about their MOTHER'S prom date?! At least lie about YOUR prom date.
In closing, I will no longer be involved with gentlemen named "Garth" as they will never live up to this!
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