Redonk E-Mail Roundup: Hide and Seek

I get some good e-mails while online dating.  Here are a few of my current faves:

 ;::hi :) - In an e-mail that amounted to only 8 characters, he has managed to utilize not only poor/nonsensical punctuation, but also an emoticon. :(

Wow, your over 6 feet. That's hot. Wow - Apparently, my height inspires both awe and grammar fails.

Hey, what's up? How is your Thursday night going? 58% okcupid-based matching isn't too bad, right? :)) - Actually, since it's out of 100, I'd say that's failing.  Also, your emoticon has a double chin.

Are you a spelling bee contender or a dictionary sales person? - Listen up fella:  I like an inventive and fun opening line, but what does this even mean?  Oh and your 5'9."

Hey are you looking for a friend with benefits? - At least he's direct?!

Where have you been hiding omg you are so beautiful? I like the smile and want to know.
Do you know how to swim, fish, dance or have you ever been to Texas - Shit... He found me.  I need to find a better hiding place.

Sure, I may still be single, but at least I'm entertained.

My Baby Takes the Morning Train... No really!! He does... I see him on it!

I am an idiot.  I'm not sure if this blog has made that apparent to date, but I am.  I am a total moron when it comes to members of the opposite sex and this whole "online dating" thing.  And before you go thinking that I'm being too hard on myself, listen up:

A few months ago, I came across a dude with potential, and we exchanged some e-mails.  In those e-mails, I learned that my suitor worked in Government Center (a downtown neighborhood of Boston).  "Weird, me too," I thought.  He then wrote that he worked for a nonprofit that helps students with their loans.

At that moment, I made a big mistake by not deleting his messages and hiding his profile. 

You see, when he said that, I knew exactly where he worked... a large nonprofit that I knew very well... seeing as it is LOCATED IN MY OFFICE BUILDING.  This nonprofit takes up quite a few floors in my building.  In fact, I hate this nonprofit.  Not because of its mission, which seems to be quite commendable.  My hatred is purely based on its employees.  They slow down the elevators in the morning by stopping at literally every floor before mine.  Plus, while I'm slogging into work in "business casual," they get to dress in "casual casual" wear, which for some essentially equates to pajamas and/or club wear.  Even their food seems to smell more pungent and unappetizing than others' when I board the elevators at lunch.

And he worked there.

And yet I still decided to go out with him for a drink, making me a total moron.

Before our meet up, I never shared my belief that we worked in the same building, though, fearing that I would come off as a crazy stalker.  So we had our date, which was mediocre at best.  I can only really remember three things about it:

• He came into the bar a little late and immediately excused himself to go to the bathroom as he was sweating profusely, a fact he shared aloud.
• He guzzled down two drinks by the time that I had finished my first.
• He claimed after about 45 minutes that he had dinner reservations with a friend from out of town.

It was no surprise to me that I never heard from him again, as there were NO sparks.

All of this would be totally fine, except that a few weeks later, I saw him on my walk into work.  In a manner likely on par with James Bond's suave moves, I avoided him like the plague, once again fearing that I would come off as a total stalker.  Except, then I saw him again a few days later on the train and once again the next week.  Apparently, our commutes are the same, and I run into him at least once a week.  We even had to share an elevator once.  We have never spoken to each other; we both pretend as if the other is a stranger, but he definitely knows who I am.  It's like a daily dose of awkward.

And this, my friends, is how I know I'm a moron.  I saw this coming, and yet I barrelled towards it, looking for love in, quite literally, the wrong place.

That said, it has been slightly beneficial for me, as I get to see just how poorly he dresses on a daily basis... Sneakers with cargo shorts... BLECK!

Take us out, Sheena!