Like almost everyone else in the free world, I enjoy (i.e., am addicted to) perusing facebook in my free (and occasionally less-than-free) time.
Recently, while I was reading my newsfeed, I happened to click on a work friend's post about Unintended Celebrity in the age of social media by Dave Pell. I'd say read the article, but as I myself am often too lazy to do such intense things as reading (reading's for nerds), I'll sum it up. The op-ed piece explores the loss of privacy in the age of social media. It highlights its point with the story of this total asshole who tweeted about a married couple who was arguing and possibly breaking up near his table in Burger King. He tweeted the details of the fight, including quotes, pictures, and even videos of the unknowing couple. The story eventually got picked up by the national media, and Dave Pell and many other people who read or heard about the tweets were appalled by them. My favorite quote from the article is:
"In that Burger King, Andy Boyle thought he was listening to the disintegration of a couple's marriage. He was really hearing the crumbling of his own ethics and self-restraint."
I was pretty upset by the artcile as well, but as I read it, I couldn't help but to think "Andy Boyle... I definitely know that name..." A quick Google search enlightened me:
I HAD GONE ON A DATE WITH THIS DUDE!
Yep... Another OKCupid suitor that went no where fast. He seemed nice enough, but after a few post-11 pm texts from him after days of silence, I figured we were looking for different things. I never got back to him about a second date.
Which is really just too bad... I could have dated a celebrity.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Dating Tip #1
I made a decision today. This blog can't be all negativity and cynicism. If I were to only publicly humiliate the anonymous gentlemen who make utter fools of themselves in pursuing me via e-mail or on awkward first dates, then I would be a cruel and insensitive bitch. I must show these lost souls to the light of normal human behavior and social correctness.
Therefore, I shall offer words of wisdom to my audience (all 10 of you). Sure, some of you might find these tips as obvious as Kim Kardashian's divorce, but trust me, there are LOADS of dudes that I interact with who have no clue.
So I shall begin with my first tip, which is in no way the most important nor is it related to the most egregious mistakes that I've seen. I only thought of it after a recent e-mail exchange with a potential suitor.
#1: ASK SOME DAMN QUESTIONS.
We're complete strangers and conversing with you via e-mail is extremely awkward and forced. I need you to give me something to work with here. You know how I asked you 15 questions in my last e-mail on everything from your favorite movies to your preferred super power if you were to magically to become a super hero (yes I've asked that). Yea... That was all for a reason. I want to give you something to write back about. I want to get to know you. And probably most importantly, I want to make sure you aren't a total crazy. That's the whole point of this. When you answer back and ask me nothing in return, I'm not really sure what to do. I assume you want me to e-mail you, or you would never have answered me. But what am I supposed to say? "Yea... Inception is pretty awesome..." "Haha... Invisibility would be pretty 'sweet.'" But then what? I don't want to come off as totally self-involved and instantly talk about myself. That's rude. And your inability to ask me anything at all about myself makes you out to be completely self-involved.
So dudes, TRY. Ask me about my job. Ask me if I like the new Bon Iver album. Ask me to pick my favorite Power Ranger (pink, DUH). Just ask me something.
Therefore, I shall offer words of wisdom to my audience (all 10 of you). Sure, some of you might find these tips as obvious as Kim Kardashian's divorce, but trust me, there are LOADS of dudes that I interact with who have no clue.
So I shall begin with my first tip, which is in no way the most important nor is it related to the most egregious mistakes that I've seen. I only thought of it after a recent e-mail exchange with a potential suitor.
#1: ASK SOME DAMN QUESTIONS.
We're complete strangers and conversing with you via e-mail is extremely awkward and forced. I need you to give me something to work with here. You know how I asked you 15 questions in my last e-mail on everything from your favorite movies to your preferred super power if you were to magically to become a super hero (yes I've asked that). Yea... That was all for a reason. I want to give you something to write back about. I want to get to know you. And probably most importantly, I want to make sure you aren't a total crazy. That's the whole point of this. When you answer back and ask me nothing in return, I'm not really sure what to do. I assume you want me to e-mail you, or you would never have answered me. But what am I supposed to say? "Yea... Inception is pretty awesome..." "Haha... Invisibility would be pretty 'sweet.'" But then what? I don't want to come off as totally self-involved and instantly talk about myself. That's rude. And your inability to ask me anything at all about myself makes you out to be completely self-involved.
So dudes, TRY. Ask me about my job. Ask me if I like the new Bon Iver album. Ask me to pick my favorite Power Ranger (pink, DUH). Just ask me something.
Monday, January 23, 2012
"The Groupon-er"
Once upon a time, a man asked a woman out on a date to a nice restaurant, fawning over her politely (but not overwhelmingly), buying her drinks and dinner, and perhaps even walking her home at the end of the night. I understand that for some, this is not a fairy tale, but a reality. However, this is a scenario so elusive to me that Cinderella seems more plausible. My jaded attitude has built up over the years thanks to a variety of dates that can most poetically be summed up by "The Groupon-er."
Before I start, I should note that as I like to fancy myself a bit of a feminist and liberal thinker, I know that a man paying for a woman is a bit backwards and could be seen as outdated, but I still feel that if a dude asks you out, he should pay. This article sums up my thoughts pretty well. Basically, I equate a dude paying for me to a way of showing that he's excited to be going out with me... especially since he's asked me out and usually picked the spot. If he's a student, unemployed, taking care of a sick family member, etc., I definitely don't mind going Dutch, but 9 times out of 10, I think it's just plain ol' polite for the gentleman to pay.
Anyways, back to the Groupon-er.
I agreed to go out with the Groupon-er after an exchange of several e-mails, and I distinctly remember having a few doubts. While one of his pictures portrayed him as a cute, seemingly normal jock, he also had a few that were not so kind, including one with an unfortunate leather hat and a creeper smile. In his profile, he admitted to being divorced and a former band geek, but I got the impression that he was a cute nerd as opposed to a socially inept idiot.
I was wrong...
In setting up our date, which he asked me to attend, he suggested that we go to a certain restaurant in the North End since he "had a Groupon." I should have shut him down right then, as it's A GROUPON! Save that shit for dinner with friends, or at least don't admit to using it on a date. However, I decided to buck it up, keep my word, and meet him for dinner. Plus, he had promised that it would be his treat.
When I first arrived, I will admit that I was pleasantly surprised that he was pretty cute. He was tall and decently dressed... but as soon as we got in the restaurant, I knew it was going to be a LONG evening.
The restaurant was tiny, like all the establishments in the North End, and he was painfully awkward in the tight space. This statement is coming from me, a self-admitted awkward giant, but this dude made me look smooth. He banged around with his bag and chair in the tight spot. It was almost painful to watch.
After witnessing that spectacle, I needed a drink, but when it came to ordering beverages, he opted for a WATER... SERIOUSLY?! We're on a FIRST DATE, you've told me that you drink, and you're using a GROUPON; you can spring for a glass of wine. Feigning politeness, I echoed his order but eventually broke down and ordered a glass of pinot grigio in the hope that it would help me think his utterly boring stories about computers and taking the train from Boston to Chicago were somehow interesting... Like the train, the date went VERY SLOWLY.
Eventually, it came time to pay, and my date pulled out... his Groupon. I made the obligatory offer to help pay (I'm nothing if not polite) to which he replied:
"Ummm yea... you owe about $13."
WHAT! You're using a GROUPON!! And you asked ME OUT! Even if you're not interested, which you gave no sign of, you should be a gentleman! Dumbfounded, I stared at him for a second before pulling out a $20 and telling him to keep the change.
When dinner was finally over and my freedom was within my grasp, I realized that we were headed in the same direction. We both had to walk to the T in the rain. Luckily, I was bright enough to wear my new rain coat, which was especially good since my date had no intention of sharing his umbrella.... He made no attempt to shield me from the rain and actually hit me a few times with it trying to avoid other pedestrians.
A few days later, he had the audacity to e-mail me to say he didn't think we had a future... I fought my inner devils hard not to reply, "NO DUH, you cheap-ass dork. I hope Groupon has a dating seminar on sale soon for your sake."
Before I start, I should note that as I like to fancy myself a bit of a feminist and liberal thinker, I know that a man paying for a woman is a bit backwards and could be seen as outdated, but I still feel that if a dude asks you out, he should pay. This article sums up my thoughts pretty well. Basically, I equate a dude paying for me to a way of showing that he's excited to be going out with me... especially since he's asked me out and usually picked the spot. If he's a student, unemployed, taking care of a sick family member, etc., I definitely don't mind going Dutch, but 9 times out of 10, I think it's just plain ol' polite for the gentleman to pay.
Anyways, back to the Groupon-er.
I agreed to go out with the Groupon-er after an exchange of several e-mails, and I distinctly remember having a few doubts. While one of his pictures portrayed him as a cute, seemingly normal jock, he also had a few that were not so kind, including one with an unfortunate leather hat and a creeper smile. In his profile, he admitted to being divorced and a former band geek, but I got the impression that he was a cute nerd as opposed to a socially inept idiot.
I was wrong...
In setting up our date, which he asked me to attend, he suggested that we go to a certain restaurant in the North End since he "had a Groupon." I should have shut him down right then, as it's A GROUPON! Save that shit for dinner with friends, or at least don't admit to using it on a date. However, I decided to buck it up, keep my word, and meet him for dinner. Plus, he had promised that it would be his treat.
When I first arrived, I will admit that I was pleasantly surprised that he was pretty cute. He was tall and decently dressed... but as soon as we got in the restaurant, I knew it was going to be a LONG evening.
The restaurant was tiny, like all the establishments in the North End, and he was painfully awkward in the tight space. This statement is coming from me, a self-admitted awkward giant, but this dude made me look smooth. He banged around with his bag and chair in the tight spot. It was almost painful to watch.
After witnessing that spectacle, I needed a drink, but when it came to ordering beverages, he opted for a WATER... SERIOUSLY?! We're on a FIRST DATE, you've told me that you drink, and you're using a GROUPON; you can spring for a glass of wine. Feigning politeness, I echoed his order but eventually broke down and ordered a glass of pinot grigio in the hope that it would help me think his utterly boring stories about computers and taking the train from Boston to Chicago were somehow interesting... Like the train, the date went VERY SLOWLY.
Eventually, it came time to pay, and my date pulled out... his Groupon. I made the obligatory offer to help pay (I'm nothing if not polite) to which he replied:
"Ummm yea... you owe about $13."
WHAT! You're using a GROUPON!! And you asked ME OUT! Even if you're not interested, which you gave no sign of, you should be a gentleman! Dumbfounded, I stared at him for a second before pulling out a $20 and telling him to keep the change.
When dinner was finally over and my freedom was within my grasp, I realized that we were headed in the same direction. We both had to walk to the T in the rain. Luckily, I was bright enough to wear my new rain coat, which was especially good since my date had no intention of sharing his umbrella.... He made no attempt to shield me from the rain and actually hit me a few times with it trying to avoid other pedestrians.
A few days later, he had the audacity to e-mail me to say he didn't think we had a future... I fought my inner devils hard not to reply, "NO DUH, you cheap-ass dork. I hope Groupon has a dating seminar on sale soon for your sake."
Stockpile
I have a bad habit of never writing this blog...
It's not that I'm no longer online dating or that I have successfully started dating a normal individual. Far from that option. I am dating and getting e-mails from the cream of the crop of weirdos, sad sacks, and social morons these days.
I guess I just got lazy in 2011, but fear not! Things are going to change in 2012.
Over the past few months, I have stockpiled a WEALTH of stories, e-mails, etc., that has finally reached an amount and a hilarity level that can no longer be ignored.
Therefore, check back soon and often, as I intend to write about my misadventures old and new much more often.
It's not that I'm no longer online dating or that I have successfully started dating a normal individual. Far from that option. I am dating and getting e-mails from the cream of the crop of weirdos, sad sacks, and social morons these days.
I guess I just got lazy in 2011, but fear not! Things are going to change in 2012.
Over the past few months, I have stockpiled a WEALTH of stories, e-mails, etc., that has finally reached an amount and a hilarity level that can no longer be ignored.
Therefore, check back soon and often, as I intend to write about my misadventures old and new much more often.
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