Dating Tip #3

When I get a message from a dating site alerting me that a dude is intrested, there are a few things I check before I move forward with giving this would-be suitor a chance. 

First and foremost, I check out his height.  Some women do this because they are vain and tall-men stealers (you know who you are), but this is a matter of necessity for yours truely.

Second, I assess if he seems slightly attractive.  I believe that I have a wide range.  I give people a chance.

Finally, and closely related to my second criterion, I scope out his pictures.  How do I judge his pictures beyond an analysis of attractiveness?  I check to see if he has any pictures that he has taken of himself in the mirror with his camera phone and/or in front of his computer with a web cam.

If he does, he's deleted.

Which brings us to:

Tip #3:  Do not post camera phone/web cam self-portraits.

Similarly:

• Do not look away into the distance instead of into the camera (this isn't MySpace 7 years ago).
• Do NOT post a headless ab shot.  I'll assume two things: (1) it's not you and/or (2) you're a horrible tool.
• Do not take pictures of yourself in the bathroom at work.  I have seen this a number of times.
• Do not take pictures in YOUR bathroom at home.  I don't need to know that you have a pink loofah at this stage in the relationship.

Why?  Those types of pictures lead me to assume that you have no normal pictures, which in turn impels me to gather that you have no life and no friends.  You SHOULD have pictures of yourself in some capacity.  Throw up that pic of you and Nana at her 90th birthday.  Post that shot of you and your brother at his bachelor party (but not the one with you and the stripper!!).  Upload a picture that paints you in a good light...

As opposed to the poor overhead lighting of your company's men's bathroom or the bluish hue of your computer screen.

National Epidemic?

Apparently, I'm not the only one out there receiving hilarious e-mails from winners over the internets.

I gotta say though some of those pale in comparison to the poetry that I receive.

Guest Post: Tim EMT ("Emergency: Manic Texter")

A friend who's also in the online-dating trenches sent me these text messages recently. Apparently, she had been e-mailing back and forth with Tim, and they even exchanged numbers. But, the situation cooled off for her, so she decided to give it the slow fade. And then shit got weird...

I'm happy to announce that since my friend was "willing to work with" Tim, they are now engaged (in restraining order legal proceedings).

My Next Site?

The people featured in this video are only slightly more odd than some of the guys that I have experienced in real-life online dating.

OCDkcupid.com - watch more funny videos

Dating Tip #2

The digital age is pretty screwed up. Sometimes when I'm bored or embracing my hipster/hippie side, I start to overanalyze just how creepy it is that we all overexpose ourselves online.

Online dating is especially odd. Unlike Facebook, other online daters who see my profile are meant to be complete strangers. In fact, when I realize that someone I know has happened upon my dating profile, I am utterly embarrassed. I'd prefer STRANGERS to peruse the details that I share about my life and my most flattering pictures. And if one of those total strangers contacts me, after a few e-mails, I'm sharing my hometown, my neighborhood in the city, and my profession, all with someone who could really be ANYONE: a small child, an old man, a total creeper.

Yea... it's weird.

Sure, putting yourself out there is always going be a little scary. And you have to be smart about the whole thing. Creepers are usually pretty good at giving off a "vibe," and just like in real-life dating, you gotta trust your instincts about people.

But a word of advice to the dudes out there...

Dating Tip #2: Don't be a total (obvious) stalker!!

If you're gonna stalk my ass, at least do it on the DL. Don't let me know that you're stalking me!! That's a great way to have me running for the hills.

For example, a while back, I started e-mailing back and forth with a guy who I wasn't too jazzed about, but I decided to give him a chance. His e-mails were rather interview-like, to the extent that he would list out multiple questions for me to answer. Literal numbered lists. After reading one of his e-mails, I closed down my computer and decided to write back when/if I had more time/energy.

Hours later, I had this message:

well looking forward to hearing back :)

I should interject and let you know that OKCupid will sometimes let you know when someone's viewed your profile. So this guy saw I was online, saw that I read his message/looked at his profile, and then wrote me a message when I didn't respond right away.

DUDE. CHILL! Did he think that sending me that message was going to make me want to e-mail him back? If anything, it put the nail into the coffin. A few days later I got another message:

Should I assume you've lost interest? haha

HAHA YES!