Guest Post: Capture the Flag

This guest post is from a friend with some of my FAVORITE online dating stories. This one is quite hilarious!

When I was living in Seattle I went on a few dates with this guy named Alex. I was also actually dating my co-worker (who was also named Alex), but he wasn't treating me so well, so I resorted to going out with an alternate Alex. He wasn't my type at all, but another co-worker convinced me that I had bad taste in men and that he was actually really hot. He was super tall and very broad with a shaved head. Since I had never been in a relationship with a larger male before, I decided to give it a go. Our first date was fine, we just went out to dinner. I'm pretty sure he paid. I decided to give him a second chance since he seemed nice enough, even though I wasn't sure I was 100% attracted to him.

He texted me later that week and asked if I wanted to meet up with him and his friends for a big outdoor game of capture the flag. My first thought was, "Whaaaaat, no! That is incredibly awkward and sounds like the last thing I would ever want to do! Right?!" My co-worker (the one who convinced me that I had bad taste) then convinced me that capture the flag sounded like so much fun! And kudos to him for thinking of a creative second date! I told her I would only go if she went with me, and she agreed. Side note: I went to pick her up before the big game and, for some reason, decided to wear Chucks and 80s style running shorts with leggings underneath. She made me change immediately. We arrive at the site, and my date, the lovely, large Alex, basically ignored me! He did not speak to me the entire time except at the beginning to offer me a beer and some other bbq items. The whole thing was a little ridiculous, and I was so glad that I had at least brought a friend or I don't know how I would have navigated that incredibly awkward social situation!

It gets better.

I expected to never hear from this fellow ever again since he had basically snubbed me during our capture the flag rendezvous! Lo and behold, he texted me asking if I wanted to meet up for ice cream later that evening. I think I was particularly mad at my co-worker Alex for doing something typically douchey, so I agreed to meet up with Big Alex. We got our ice cream and were walking around the 'hood, and all of a sudden he said to me out of the blue, "What are your thoughts on homeless people? I just can't stand them; all they do is pan handle and try to take your money." Huh?!? Keep in mind I was doing an Americorps program at the time whose mission was to fight poverty. I was also living off of $930 per month and food stamps. I didn't even want to ask him his thoughts on SNAP benefits. Also, who says that? That's just weird. I should have gone home at that point, but he had picked me up and we were kind of far from my apartment. After that awkward exchange, he asked me if I wanted to go back to his place and watch a movie. My ridiculous self agreed, mostly because I'm just really bad at confrontation. We went back to his place and watched Dirty Work with Norm MacDonald. Que romantico. Literally as soon as the movie was over, he dimmed the lights and put on Bob Marley's Greatest Hits with a remote. THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENED. He attempted to make out with me, and he was the worst kisser that I have ever encountered! At that point, the whole thing was just too ridiculous. I asked him to drive me home, and I washed my hands of Alex2.