When I started this blog, a friend told me that I would need to convert to Judaism. When I asked her why, she told me that no online dating blog would be complete without stories about JDate. Since I figured that switching religions for blog purposes may be frowned upon by... well... pretty much everyone, I decided to ask my friend, Amy, for help. Amy is on JDate, and I knew from a few drunk dish sessions that she had some good stories for me. Here's one of the 'best' (a.k.a. most awkward) first date stories that I've heard:
I recently decided to put myself back on JDate, unbeknownst to my mother, who convinced me that maybe it wasn't the worst thing in the world. I had used it back when I first graduated from college and thought that it was just what I was supposed to be doing, and I had managed to find some real winners. But in my advancing age, I've decided that religion actually is important to me, so I wanted to try to find likeminded people. This, of course, means that I had to stop judging every book by its cover and actually talk to guys who might not be my type. That's when I replied to an email from *David* (name changed just in case, really...). [side note: Duh! Of course he'll read this entry. This blog is going to be the hottest ish on the internet. I'm preparing for a book deal any day now.]
David was a 34-year-old guy who seemed harmless enough from his pictures. His emails were rather perfunctory, and he gave me his phone number in case I wanted to use it. We had one phone call, in which he told me that he lives with his parents because one of them had been sick. He was being a good son and helping them, and asked me what I thought I was looking for and if any of his information bothered me. I brushed it aside, thinking he was just being polite and we set up another night to talk a few days later.
Perhaps I should have taken it as a sign when he called a few days later and greeted me with: "Hey! It's me..." when I answered.
Fast forward a few more days to our actual first date. It was the Saturday of July 4th weekend, and it was a beautiful day outside - not humid at all - and it seemed almost a shame to sit in a bar and miss out on it. I convinced him to get a cup of coffee, and we walked down about a block to sit on a bench and chat. Well, that's where the excitement ended - it was as if he had read a book of conversation starters and didn't have any actual conversation to go along with it. Questions such as, "Do you like music...?", "What kind of movies are you into...?", and "What do you like to do socially...?" He also asked me several times how old I was and where I lived (I lived about 2 streets over from where we were sitting). At first, I tried to be polite and play along, but it almost seemed like he was so onesided that he couldn't interact with other humans. I actually considered taking the straw from my iced coffee, sticking it through my eyeball and swirling it around my brain - it would have been better stimulation than this.
He asked a few times, "What do you want to do...?" (keep in mind, it was HIS idea to come to my part of town), and we finally settled on taking a walk down the street. After about a block or so, I thought I heard a biker behind me. I moved over behind David to let the biker pass. It was actually someone holding grocery bags, and David looked over his shoulder to ask what I was doing. If you will:
David: "What's wrong?"
Me: "Oh, I thought I heard a biker behind me, I was letting them pass" (as I moved next to him again.
David: (shrugging) "Oh I hate bikers. I usually pass them when I drive, and I honk. Usually they give me the finger".
I had pretty much decided that I had nothing in common with this guy. We walked down the street, crossed over and walked back up the other side. When he asked me what I wanted to do for probably the 5th or so time, I finally had enough and answered, "You know what? I think I'm just going to go home." This seemed to catch him off guard, of course; I do have a hard time believing that no girl has ever wanted to escape from him on any date situation before. "Oh, oh you do? It's still early, but I guess if you want to go home, that's fine." I thanked him for the coffee and told him that it was nice to meet him and that I hoped he had a good night.
As I walked away and rolled my eyes very far back into my head, I dug in my purse for my cell phone. It hadn't even been a full hour. My immediate next thought was, "If the world ended right now, this could NOT have been the last person I ever hung out with." So I called some friends and rallied to save my night.
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